Why Young People Need Their Aggression

Instead of always giving in or always trying to crush it, we have to understand aggression as essentially defensive, as a kind of anxiety, a kind of panic.

I Didn't Become an Actress

Fame or friendship? Fortune or family? When we look back on our lives, on all our youthful promise, what really matters?

A 12-Year-Old Is Watching Porn

If, realistically, we have little control over children watching porn, how do we help them understand what they're watching so that they're not damaged when it comes to real life?

Why Anxiety Is Inevitable and Necessary

We rush to diagnose rather than listen, panicking when things don't go according to plan. Anxiety is normal and needs to be understood.

No, Honestly! It's All True!

Why make up stories, insisting that they're true? What do young people's lies mean and how should we respond?

Why Are We Doing This, Sir? What's The Point?

How to make sense of the adult world without having the identity of a traditional profession? How to develop a sense of personal agency in a world where the rules keep changing?

Why Some People Remain "Babies," Even When They've Grown Up

We avoid having to acknowledge our own baby tendencies when someone else unwittingly expresses them for us.

When People (Appear to) Have No Feelings

Therapists listen all the time for anger and despair, for sadness and hatred. But when a young person appears to be feeling nothing? To be entirely empty of feelings? What then?

Is It Okay To Dislike Young People?

We pride ourselves on liking young people. So when we inevitably find ourselves disliking some young people, it disturbs our equilibrium. What's going on? How do we move forward?

Learning How to Tease and Be Teased

Young people spend hours teasing each other and being teased. Why? Why do they do it? And how do they learn when to stop?

Why Young People Destroy the Very Things They Need Most

When young people spurn our best attempts to love and support them, why do they do this?

All Problems Are Betrayals

For young people, all problems provoke primitive anxieties of betrayal: reminders of an original betrayal they can't consciously remember but can't help feeling strongly about.

Understanding the Impulse to Harm Oneself

"I've been self-harming! I think I might be depressed! I'm having suicidal thoughts!" Sometimes these are simply ways of saying, "I'm not a child any more. Take me seriously!"

A Secret Future For Girls

To what extent do schools present girls with a choice between working and mothering: one seen as laudable, the other as a consolation prize for academic also-rans?

Paragons Of Virtue

Young people are more interested in our failures than in our successes. But do we dare to tell them about all the ways in which we've failed?

What Do You Mean, Self-Esteem?

Like so many well-meaning behavioural interventions, the idea of self-esteem is simplistic. Without a secure sense of self, good experiences are likely to wash over us.

That Sneaky Devil, Projective Identification

In relationships, we need to stop and wonder whether the things we feel belong to us or are unconsciously projected into us by other people.

Wanting To Destroy Everything

Young people's appetite for destruction must be recognised if we are to forgive them.

We're Splitting Up!

If adults can't contain their own tendencies to split, then what hope is there for young people?

Please, Please (Don't) See Me!

We must be seen by other people to know that we exist and are worth something. But what about the young people who can't bear to be seen?

How Can You Bear to Listen?

Sometimes we simply have to bear witness to the effects of other people's cruelty and remember our own capacity to be cruel.

(Not) Bypassing Adolescence

We may have a vested interest in getting teenagers through adolescence as quickly and as painlessly as possible. But often we're only delaying things until later in a person's life

Teachers Hating to Say Goodbye

Living with a perpetual sense of inadequacy, teachers get swallowed up by bitterness and despair unless they find opportunities to acknowledge what teaching actually feels like.

The Worst Word in the World

Looking for someone to blame.... Wanting to take revenge.... A world of anxieties reduced to a single word.

The Paedophile In Everyone

Our sexualities may not be as straightforward as we'd like to believe.

I Am (Sometimes) My Story

We become our autobiographies and sometimes they imprison us with their simplicities

Fathers and Daughters

Growing older, daughters need their fathers differently.

Sons and Mothers

Sons grow up and become men but do their relationships with their mothers really change?

Young, Confident, Bisexual

More and more young people are slowly gaining the confidence to resist being defined as one thing or another. More and more say that they "might be bisexual."

Thank You For Not Sharing

Young people have to learn that there are degrees of privacy, that not sharing is normal.