We arrived at the South County Trail early on a mild July morning, before families and serious athletes cluttered up the bike path. The humidity had broken, the sky was cloudless, and we knew that sharing this Sunday morning’s outing would set us both up for the day. It would be fun. Sharing fun always reminds us of the reasons why we had managed to put our lives together more than twenty years ago, in spite of an ocean separating us physically and other challenges of our complicated lives. Our entire two-year courtship included many moments of fun together, and we have made it a point to find fun as we and our lives have evolved.
A high level of positive feelings, in an ideal ratio of 5 to 1 positive over negative ones, is the cornerstone of happy long-term marriages, according to the research of Gottman and his colleagues. “Having fun” is one of our richest sources of positive affect, although certainly not the only one. Each of the many ways of "having fun together" listed below could be a blog post of its own (and likely will be one day), but now I want to examine the big picture. Another post-to-come will address the importance to our relationships of being able to have fun without the loved one, whether because he or she is unavailable, not interested, or does not get the same kick out of or nourishment from the activity that you receive from it.
What are some ways in which people have “fun” together?
Movement. All people have some sort of movement that represents fun for them. Whether walking, dancing or running; swimming or sailing; or any of the many ways in which we can move, getting our often too-sedentary bodies in gear can become fun. Attitude and physical capacity make the difference between drudgery and delight.
How can having fun together show love?
Why does fun show love?
How did you define “fun” when you were a child? A teenager? A young adult? The age you are now? How does your partner define “fun”? What do you do to have fun together? What would you like to do less of — or more of — with him or her? How can you have conversations that help you get on the same page about what you want to enjoy in your lives?
Copyright 2017 Roni Beth Tower
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